9 new rules all passengers should obey

I’ve been flying a lot lately, so I thought I’d vent a little. After witnessing all manners of bad behavior in the air in recent months, I’ve compiled some new guidelines for how I’d like my fellow passengers to act on my next flight.

New rule: Hey you in the aisle seat, don’t give me “that look” when I indicate that I need to get up from my window seat to use the lav (yeah, you, important business guy who drank two little bottles of cheap red wine on the 45-minute Orly to Heathrow flight last week). I’m not doing this just for the fun of it. I don’t expect you to smile, but please, no big dramatic sigh and eye roll.

New rule: If we’re going to sit next to each other for six hours or longer, it’s not OK to pretend I don’t exist. I’m not even asking for a hello or a nod of the head when I plunk down my magazine or the seat next to you, but pretending that I’m a flying ghost is just silly. I promise I won’t talk your ear off, or even talk at all. Just acknowledge my existence with some eye contact and get up without a fuss if I’m in the window seat.

New rule: That armrest that’s separating us? It’s not yours, it’s not mine, it’s shared territory. Unless you’re willing to pay me to monopolize it, let’s be civil about it, shall we?

New rule: The back of my seat is not your personal playground. I can feel your knees bumping into it. I can feel it when you fish around in the seatback pocket for your iPad. And it’s annoying.

New rule: Flight time is not nail-polish time. That stuff stinks and makes me nauseous. If you didn’t have time to do it in your hotel room before heading for the airport, it can certainly wait until you’re home or on the ground.

New rule: If you’re sitting in seat 34B, and I’m in 12A, you don’t get to put your carry-on in my overhead-bin space on your way to the back. If you do, I get to go through it and find your personal sex toys or whatever else you’ve got stashed in there.

New rule: Yeah, we all know that if you don’t shut down your mobile phone during taxi and takeoff you probably won’t crash the plane. But not doing so makes you look like a privileged, self-important and entitled bozo. So shut it off.

New rule: If there was an emergency landing and evacuation, you wouldn’t have the slightest idea what to do, because the last time you listened to the safety demo or read the safety briefing card you were six years old on your first flight and you had dreams of being a pilot one day. That’s why when Capt. Sullenberger landed his US Airways Airbus on the Hudson River, most people left the plane without their life vests. So even if you don’t want to listen this time, stop yammering to your pal across the aisle and at least let me pay attention to it.

New rule: If you bring a small child on board, you don’t get to pop a Xanax, fall asleep, and leave the little tyke to his own devices. And no, the flight attendants are not babysitters. Next time if you need to konk out, hire a nanny and bring her along.

George Hobica is the founder of Airfarewatchdog.com. Airfarewatchdog features the best airfares on thousands of routes verified by a team of expert fare analysts. Follow him on Twitter: @airfarewatchdog.

9 More Rules All Passengers Should Obey

I’m a big fan of the AirFareWatchDog.com website, overseen by George Hobica.  The site lets folks keep an eye on air fares between city-pairs, and it has saved me a nice pile of money in the past few years.
As a frequent traveler, I am a firm believer in travel etiquette.  I feel as if there needs to be a certain amount of decorum to make the travel process easier for everyone. So I really enjoyed Hobica’s recent story in USA Today (hat tip to @OhMyJet for the lead) entitled “9 new rules all passengers should obey.”  And now, kids, I offer you another nine tips so you don’t end up posted on Freakjet or a passenger shaming website. Enjoy!

1. If you see me with headphones on, I DON’T want to talk.  You can read my thoughts about that here. 
2. Let’s keep order at baggage claim. Why do people think they can just push in front of me as they see their bag coming down the carousel? Or why do they think they can push many away as they chase said bag?
3. Carry a bag you can lift by yourself.  Just because you decide to pack 50 lbs of stuff in your carry-on bag does not mean it’s the flight attendants’ or your fellow passengers’ responsibility to huff and puff to get it into the overhead bin.
4. Feet. Please do NOT put your unshod feet on the bulkhead or your seat.  Others have to sit there after you, folks.
5. Choose your seats in advance or buy Southwest Airlines’ Early Bird boarding. If you want to sit with your family or friends, then plan accordingly. Don’t ask me to give up my seat — the one I booked months ago or chose with Early Bird — just because you either didn’t plan accordingly or were too cheap to pay for Early Bird.
6. Salmon spawning on a flight. You know these people – they are the last ones to board and have to put their bags in a bin far behind the row where they’re seated. As soon as the plane touches the ground, they make the grand dash to the back to get their bag, pushing folks out of the way, then pushing back to the front. Just say no!
7. No stinky food. Folks, there are 150 of us stuck in the same metal tube. Now is NOT the time to open up that Limburger cheese platter that will be your inflight snack.
8. Prepare your children. Hobica had this among his rules, but I’ll take it a step further. I’ve been flying with my daughter since she was 10 days old.  At age seven, she is now a seasoned traveler.  I carry a bag with all her favorite toys, an iPad and food, so when we’re taking that DC-San Francisco flight, she is happy and amused. I’ve always been complimented on her behavior, even during the terrible twos. So I’m amazed at how many parents come aboard with nothing — no toys, no coloring or reading books, no food — and then throw their hands up when their children misbehave from boredom.  Then we all have to suffer.  I now carry extra supplies and there are always takers.
9. Rude travelers. We’ve all seen this person — someone who is rude and abusive to travel professionals like airline gate agents, flight attendants and even fellow travelers.  If one tiny thing goes wrong, they release the wrath of God on anyone in their way.  Whatever went wrong is not the fault of these people, but the airline folks do have the power to try to make things better — or worse.   Kind words have gotten me upgrades to business class, free drinks, better rooms and bigger cars.

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